There is a body which describes the sum of the vast network of electrical impulses which make up my brain, my central nervous system and somehow this translates into my being, my conscience, my id, my ego, my self. There is me, yes and in addition to the physical I am decided also by surroundings, a family unit destined by sexual unions birthed me and a few others and shaped according to cultural, religious, and regional affirmations. You can also throw in the growing pains of recent life like education, social interaction and relationships, hobbies, interests, pop culture etc. etc. What I know for sure is that anything I know is shaped by these things, is informed by these circumstances. In recent years, and thanks to the input from many magnificent minds my own has gained certain freedoms of thought. I feel this need to question everything to investigate everything, and its not just because our news had been crap sensationalism for years its just that the structure doesnt feel right. The way women are completely objectified in mainstream media and how it directly affects the way women act and are treated in real life, why? and why aren't people more angry about it? Why do we shave our legs? Where is feminism? we are all reduced into target markets, statistics and advertising campaigns and thats okay ..... I know for sure that the way things are in this world, the more i read, i listen, i discover, the more I have a hard time excepting it. Is that what your twenties is supposed to be about? Where everyone learns life is shit, then somewhere around twenty-seven you wake up one day tired of fighting it, propose to your girlfriend/ get pregnant, have three kids, get a shit desk job, buy a toyota sienna, a house in the suburbs, watch tv every night and slowly rot, emphasis on slowly as the rotting process for the brain, while alive, is a precocious process that may take a lifetime. I know that too, is a farce. The truth is we are connected to the matrix and none of this is real and when we die, we are intravenously fed back to the living. And yet I know that too, is a farce. Perhaps its pearly gates, a guy named peter, and a few tricky questions. Or soul recycling, where one's conscience is memory wiped and stored on cosmic ram card before uploading into a new being, where upgrades and downgrades are constantly being made en route, determined by deeds done when alive. (credit to chris hawthorne for the next thought), Really, its chaotic patterning informed by collective conscience. I know this for sure, well maybe not for sure, however this makes the most sense. Its that scene from A Scanner Darkly with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, and its PHillip Pullman's dust. I have mixed feelings about being born an american, while on one hand we are endowed with amazing freedoms and privledge and on the other had our culture is shaped more recently through consumer capitalist ideals. I do know that I plan on doing everything I can to circumvent the system, even though I am currently employed as a steak and wine bitch. Although it is my secret wish to be a musical wood fairy or elf who lives in a treehouse and has wicked skills.
